For those of y’all who have forgotten me…my name is Gracen 🙂 I don’t blame you it’s been a WHILE. These past few months have been packed tight. But packed with so much good. Shortly after my last post, I went to a Twenty One Pilot concert, ran a half marathon, and went to St. Louis with my family. I also turned 17!!! My family and my friends loved me so well on my birthday, and it was one of the best by far. During and right after my birthday, I ran for Class Reporter Historian and my friends continued to love and encourage me and left me leaving that week with so much joy. Also since last time we’ve talked, we finished the yearbook!!!! And. It. Looks. Good.
These past few months have been great, but it has taken me a while to realize that. Confusion, disappointment, mistakes, missed ways led me to the foot of the cross. But instead, I ran away.
God doesn’t want someone who doesn’t have all A’s or a 30 or above on their ACT to spend time with Him. He can’t afford someone who can’t win their class election to be in His Presence. He doesn’t want to be near the frayed edges of my mistakes. Or that my work wasn’t good enough to help win us Editor of the Year.
These lies and the fact that I didn’t have it all together left me feeling unwanted, unloved, unmanaged, undone. But instead of giving it all to the one person who not only could handle it, but who wanted it, I kept it inside. It built up these walls, and I strayed from the Lord because I told myself He didn’t want to be with me.
The truth that comes with Easter and the story of Peter slowly ripped these walls around my heart down. The Lord desires to fix my mistakes. He desires to display grace and mercy so there’s no need for me to hide from Him. And by sending His son to die for me, His love for me is inevitable. There is nothing I can do to put Jesus back in the grave, and there is nothing I can do to separate myself from the love of God. Those numbers don’t matter, and neither do those titles because the Lord still pursues me.
Disappointment seems to be a theme of these past few weeks, coming up short at the class election and at a yearbook convention. But my prayer for Reporter Historian and what we prayed before they announced Editor of the Year was that it would be given to someone who needed it. Someone who needed the encouragement and deserved it.
The main reason I wanted to run for Reporter Historian was because they got to pray at graduation. How cool would it be to get to send off your classmates with a word to the Lord. But the Lord has taken that disappointment and turned it into so much more. With the leadership of my friend Ashlyn, once every month our friends go up to the school, split up, and pray with teachers before their day starts. And it has been so fun getting to serve our school through prayer in that way.
And about Editor of the Year…not getting that award helped me recognize friendship and the journey we’ve been on. Lauren, Helen, and Ashley have poured so much time and energy into this book. But along the way we have made so many memories, and grown so much as designers, in our friendship, and in our relationship with the Lord. And I know that the desire of each of these girls’ hearts is to glorify the Lord in all things yearbook.
I am thankful that the Lord desires to be with me despite my mistakes and what I can obtain. I am thankful that he pursues me, and when I keep pushing Him away he continues to pursue me. I am thankful that he turns disappointment into something much greater. I am thankful to be His.